I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
