Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize