Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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