he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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