just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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