So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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