Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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