Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
