My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
