Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
this is an emotional support booty call
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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