I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
