I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
