Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Randomize
