do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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