with your own penis?
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
We named our party play list daddy issues
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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