she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
