i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
