in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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