can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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