I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
