she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
