My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
