So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
