Three words: puerto rican gang bang
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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