you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
