Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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