I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
