He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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