If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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