i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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