I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
