She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
how does that bad decision feel?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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