oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
