I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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