just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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