I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
