I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
