yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
