Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
