yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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