Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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