You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
