My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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