Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
