yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize