My boss' voice literally gives me gas
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Are we still banned from the library?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
