I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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