My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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