my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
