Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
