sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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