The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
