I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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