You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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