Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
