you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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