I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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