Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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