Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
They have beer where we have blood.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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