I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
