True but thats because hes a fetus.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
