I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I know her cup size but not her name....
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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