You're my little dorito
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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