There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
my being single is dangerous.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
