yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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