Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize