I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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