He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
