"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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