finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
