If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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