There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
