Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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