I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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