I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Randomize
