i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
