to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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