yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
