I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
