I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
