Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
