So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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