When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
