How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
