he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
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