I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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