i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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