life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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