Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
