how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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